i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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