so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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