Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
