are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
