So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
