Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
