You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
