Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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