i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
