Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
