Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
