I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
