went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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