If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think people are normalizing furries
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
