Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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