I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Let's get the cat blown out
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
