Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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