let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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