I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize