Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
