You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
