We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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