It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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