I am puke
Small penises have feelings too.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
