I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
