Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize