Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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