Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
