the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
dude. I can hear the air.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
