dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
