I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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