u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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