I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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