Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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