Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
