you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
