I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
vagina is talking i cant
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
