i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
