U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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