i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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