Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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