It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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