I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
