btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
