Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
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He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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