I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
