My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
