My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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