Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
