if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
