i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
