put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
