Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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