I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
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I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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