Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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