i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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