He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
