An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
