in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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