My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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