porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
