You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I stole a fireplace last night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
