Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
