I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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