I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
