You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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