Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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