My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
