Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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