there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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